How to Hurt the Ones You Love the Most

If someone told you that your son or daughter needed it, you wouldn't even think twice. Feel free to breeze through these two scenarios below and tell me where I'm wrong.

SCENARIO ONE

Your teenage child has been struggling. They aren’t happy and you’ve known this for far longer than you’d like to admit. You’ve tried engaging them in different activities you think will offer some kind of joy or even relief but no matter what you try, nothing seems to work.

Your very good friend suggests reaching out to a professional for support for your kiddo and you think it’s a great idea! You ask your teen’s doctor what she thinks and the doctor completely agrees and highly recommends you get on it as soon as possible.

Your baby is suffering and it’s breaking your heart. You’re so excited to have a solution and you dive right into researching support professionals immediately!

You find someone you think your kiddo will like but then remember you didn’t get the promotion you thought was coming, your teen needs new equipment for field hockey, and it’s tax time too. You then think about how busy you are at work. Scheduling and getting your kid back and forth to sessions will be difficult…but you brush it aside. It’s necessary and if your child needs support, by god you’ll make sure they have it. You’ll figure it out.

Without another moment’s hesitation, or even looking at the price, you buy a package of sessions and schedule immediately.

. . . . .

SCENARIO TWO

You’ve been struggling. You’re not happy and you’ve known this for far longer than you’d like to admit. You’ve tried engaging in different activities you think will offer some kind of joy or even relief but no matter what you try, nothing seems to work.

Your very good friend suggests reaching out to a professional for support. Your first thought is that it’s a great idea and you even get a little excited considering it. Then you feel a twinge of guilt as you consider the cost and time. You decide to have a conversation with your doctor and she completely agrees. She highly recommends you get on this as soon as possible.

You’re suffering and it’s breaking your heart…

But you didn’t get the promotion and your teen needs new equipment for field hockey. You’re busy at work and don’t even know when you’d find time to see someone anyway. Everyone is fine and if everyone else is fine, you can muster through. You just need to quit being so selfish and suck it up. Your life is great, everyone agrees. You’re just being ungrateful. Get over it, drama queen. You don’t need help, you just need to quit being so weak. Snap out of it and soldier on, pussy.

GASP….oh my! See what I did there?

This isn't new to me, folks. In fact, the challenge of convincing women that they don't need permission to take care of themselves has been with me for almost two decades. Not all women, but most STILL need an anniversary, wedding, birthday, or some kind of socially acceptable celebration to use as a reason for a photoshoot because investing that much money to simply please themselves is unjustifiable.

So, let me shout this a little louder for the lovely, beautiful, strong, brilliant, capable, fierce, free, powerful women in the back who need to hear this:

You don't need anyone's permission or a "justifiable reason" to do whatever you want to do to feel good, get healthy in your body, mind, and soul, and live a fulfilling and joyful life. You may think I'm talking about your partner, friends, or family when eluding to this but you'd be mistaken; I'm talking about YOU.

Get out of your own way. Quit making excuses. The worst damage you will ever inflict on the ones you love the most will be the direct result of you not taking care of yourself. Your loved ones want to see you thrive. In fact, they need you to flourish because only then can you be truly present for them AND yourself.

There is no Good Woman Martyrdom Award. There is, however, a full, rich, and abundant life waiting for you. I'll be here when you're ready to start embracing it.