The Art of Detachment
DETACH:
to unfasten and separate; disengage; disunite.
freedom from prejudice or partiality.
Detachment, when executed healthfully, can be very beneficial in two ways:
It allows you to remain centered while prohibiting your emotions from getting the better of you.
Freedom from something or someone that you believe isn’t within your best and highest good.
What’s wonderful about both is that you remain in control of your actions, your emotions, and your responses, which, in turn, allows you to make decisions that serve you best.
How would it feel to be in a heated situation or conversation with your partner/boss/friend/family and have the ability to understand and even empathize with what she/he is feeling but, at the same time, allow your emotions to remain calm and intact? Imagine being able to approach the conversation with a level head, and a solutions-based attitude, rather than simply trying to win the argument or, worse yet, become a victim of the disagreement.
Consider a time when you realized that your relationship with your partner/boss/friend/family no longer served you, or, rather, was in a state that required healing. Imagine being able to separate yourself from the emotions of the relationship so that you could better assess how to deal with the situation in a healthy way.
This is the art of detachment.
When we detach, what we’re really talking about is removing our emotions from the situation so that we can gain a more objective perspective on what’s really happening, the different ways it could affect us, and what we want the outcome to be. This allows us to make informed choices, which also allows us to maintain our personal power.
Detachment isn’t about having control over another person, situation/environment, and it’s not from a place of disinterest or indifference. It isn’t about pulling away or neglecting from a place of anger or hurt. It’s about detaching with love.
When we detach in a healthy way, we are accepting a person for where they’re at, not where we think they should be. Or we are accepting a situation or environment for what it is, not what we expect it to be. Knowing we don’t need to or can’t change a person or situation/environment allows us to disassociate from the outcome. When we do this, we’re removing our expectations, which is what puts the responsibility of the outcome onto the other person or situation, thereby handing over our power to that person or situation. This is the atmosphere we’re trying to avoid.
So how do we detach? I have three steps for you to consider.
Boundaries. You must have boundaries in place that make how you expect to be treated crystal clear AND you need to communicate them.
Accountability and responsibility. We are accountable and responsible for communicating and fulfilling our own needs and desires while regulating and expressing our emotions in a healthy way. Learning to respond, rather than react, will set you ahead of the game every time.
Remaining in the present. If you’re focusing on the past experiences you’ve had with a person or situation/environment, you’re misplacing energy on blame and victimhood. If you’re focusing your energy on the future, you’re setting expectations and we’ve already covered that downfall. Staying present allows you to solve the current situation as it is without unnecessary baggage that will only prolong the issue.
Learning the art of detaching takes time. It’s particularly difficult in relationships or situations that already have an established foundation of mistrust, blame, and heated emotions. Remember to quiet the mind and go into the heart when you’re in a situation that calls for detachment so that you can listen to your inner voice. If removing emotions from the situation is too hard at that moment, step away to gather your thoughts and give yourself time before responding.
Remember, practice makes perfect.
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If you’d like more information on how to start living the life you were meant to live, reach out and see how I can help.
