I Have a Loud Heart

Having a loud heart means that I live in extremes. It means that sometimes I have so much emotion and intensity inside of me that it can boil over, and even explode.

Does that make you uncomfortable? Don’t worry; I won’t explode all over you. I personally find it fascinating, but that could be the result of only knowing how to experience life in this way.

When I’m angry, it’s not just a rainy day; it’s a ferocious storm inside of me that feels like a tornado in my stomach and heart that tears my organs into bits. When I’m sad, it’s not just feeling blue; it’s feeling like a deep, bruised, shade of purple that seeps into my veins and cells, and I can’t breathe. When I’m happy, it’s not just a sunny day; it’s an extraordinary and thrilling day in shades of yellow and orange. It’s like a brilliant white light that makes me feel like I’m in a convertible, traveling at 100 miles per hour while standing on the seat. I feel the wind whip my hair and face so hard I can’t help but laugh from a depth I didn’t even know existed. When I love, I don’t just want to be next to you; I need to be inside of your skin and touch your bones, read your thoughts, and feel your childhood.

My loud heart is exhausting, but it holds a passion inside of it that, even in my darkest moments, makes me grateful for each wonderful, awful, bizarre, and fantastical moment.  

Sometimes I wonder how anyone could ever live with a quiet heart.

If I had a quiet heart, I would probably live easier, with less disappointment, and maybe even longer. But I would rather explode a million times and have to piece myself back together again and again than carry the fear of fading away into my own deaf ears and unvoiced life.